Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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