Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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