yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
