alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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