If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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