the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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