Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
