And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
