Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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