Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
