And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
