matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
