do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
