I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
