how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
