This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
