Just mADE A PArabola og urine
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
