I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
