we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
