Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
