this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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