I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
