when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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