to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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