is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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