i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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