youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
