So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
