I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
