Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
