i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
