Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
