She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
