Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
