i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
