I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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