conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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