what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
