My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
