She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
