i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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