I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
