allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
