FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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