"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
PANTIES FOUND
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