Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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