I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
