It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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