I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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