please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
