do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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