Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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