Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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