I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
